Life Sux

Things are a bit odd here. I wanted to leave this job. I am leaving it. I wanted to go to the USA for higher studies. I am all set for it. My mom was damn worried about her current ailment. Thankfully she is now almost fine. My brother had a good 4^th semester exam so technically he is a half-engineer. My dad is doing well. And so are my friends. You know, things are all falling in place. And that’s what makes my feelings so odd. I am sad, unbelievably but true. And I don’t know why. I am just down. Down with a strange kind of feeling I can’t put in words. There are times when I don’t know what to do with myself.

If you are reading this, I would like to know whether you have ever been in such a situation, when everything is apparently alright (may be remarkably good) and still you can’t but feel miserable, when an overwhelming feeling of ‘Life Sux’ engulfs you at a perfect party time.

Anniversary

I should have made this post a week back; anyway, I will do it now. The 6^th day of this month marked the anniversary of joining my first job. 6^th June 2005, I had joined the company. I was happy to join.

The 8^th day of this month marked the day of my first resignation. I am happier to leave. When I joined I didn’t expect the world, but definitely I expected more than what I got. I won’t whine about it all together again. But the work was a mess, no doubt.

Still there are things that I gained in this one year. Some of them I will treasure for the rest of my life –

• A new bunch of friends. I refuse to tag them with the rather serious sounding term of ‘colleagues’.
• A computer language called ‘Java’ which I knew existed but never learnt more than that it exists. (Don’t misinterpret it as declaring myself a Java expert; I am only much better off when compared to my earlier self.)
• A novel experience of sharing apartment with people. Being in a hostel or being at home is different. A tip here; don’t stay with too many people, don’t stay with too few. 2-3 is optimum I think.
• A city – Mumbai
• A blog - http://mumbaidays.blogspot.com/
• A website - http://geocities.com/intro_to_multimedia/
• An unexpected title of CS God. (CS = Counter Strike). Don’t laugh -:)
• An insight into how companies work. No elaboration will be entertained in this section.
• A piece of knowledge – communication skills are just too important for your work to neglect even if you are doing technical work.
• A new sense of enthusiasm for study. I think I am more motivated for a PhD than I was while leaving IIT.

Top Doubts

Top doubts relatives had when they learnt that I am going for a PhD –

4> how can you do a PhD without doing a masters?

3> is your company sending you on a study leave?

2> is IIT sending you for higher studies?

1> people study for getting a job; why are you going back to school leaving a job?

Visa Interview

This is what the conversation was –

(VO = VISA officer)

VO: So you are working with this XXX Company, how much do you earn monthly?

ME: The package is YYY amount.

VO: What did I ask you? Tell me how much you get monthly?

ME: told her the approx figure.

VO: Why did you choose UIC?

ME: good univ, good infrastructure, profs working in my area of interest

VO: Why PhD, why not MS?

ME: more interest in doing research work.

VO: Why are you interested in doing research?

ME: I like the subject, want to do an in-depth study.

VO: Which is the highest degree you have received?

ME: BTech in Electrical Engineering

VO: Which college?

ME: IIT, Kharagpur

VO: Show me your degree & marksheet

(gave those to her, she had a look and immediately returned the degree certificate and was studying the marksheet.)

VO: Did you pass in first division?

ME: Yes.

VO: How many univs did you apply to?

ME: Only this one.

VO: Why just one?

ME: again similar as why I chose UIC, told that I had communication with my advisor, he encouraged me to apply etc.

VO: Is Prof. Z sponsoring you?

ME: No, the univ has given me an assistantship.

VO: You told me that you are so much interested in research and now you are telling me that you applied to only one university. Why so?

ME: I had to repeat things I had said before. I emphasized that the research work going on is very focused on my area of interest & also the prof was interested considering my past credentials.

VO: It looks like you are using this opportunity only to enter US.

ME: I tried my best to convince her that I was really interested in the research.

VO: What do you want to do with what you will study there?

ME: I want to join one of the IITs as faculty.

VO: What did I ask you?

ME: what I want to do.

VO: I asked what you want to do in you research?

ME: I told her keeping it to simple English, as simple as possible.

VO: Sorry, I didn’t get you.

ME: So I started with more basic things and tried my best to explain.

VO: You are so much interested in your research but you can’t even explain what you are going to do?

ME: (I didn’t know how to explain power electronics better to someone who asks questions to people thorough a small window all day, know nothing related to electrical engineering, can’t make out whether I passed in first division or not after looking at the mark-sheet for 30 seconds, and if you have any doubt, the mark-sheet was in English) Still I had to say blah … blah … blah…. and more blah… blah … blah….

VO: You are working in Mumbai. Why don’t you do your higher studies there?

(Do you know why the VO sits behind a window? So that people can’t slap them!!)

VO: (before I could start explaining why I am not doing my PhD in Mumbai) %&^%$@#&^%^#^% &$&@# &$*# *&$@(*# @$*Y (*$@

And gave me the documents back.

I couldn’t make out her last sentence. Only thing I knew was that she had kept my passport and that meant I had got my VISA. I went out, collected my mobile from the counter and sent SMS to all on my contact list.